My Journey to Motherhood

THE LONG WAIT CUT SHORT.

2006-10-10T21:27:00.000-07:00

I am now a full-fledged mom!

(birthing kwento to follow.)

hello world! :)

SOFIA ROXANNE A. CUY - born 27th of Sept, 2006 at 3:56p.m.

Of Needles and Steroids

2006-09-10T20:05:00.000-07:00

"Listen yax, we've been discussing ur situation and u need to get steroids na..."

I was dumbfounded. Shocked even. I had just entered my OB's clinic when she said these. STEROIDS??? ME???

As she explained to me that it was necessary for the maturity of the baby's lungs in case i had premature delivery (which was very likely); and that i've got two options, one is to be given through IV (which would require me to be admitted at least for one day in the hospital) and the other, through injection (2 shots, 24 hours apart); i got more and more scared.

U see, i'm terribly afraid of needles. I guess it was brought about by the anti-rabies injections i had when i was still a kid (7 shots around my belly button). Back then, my parents would reward me with a bump car ride after every session, complete with running and crying bouts, of course! :D

And steroids? What's up with that? One usually associate them with bodybuilders and athletes... so why should i have them? So despite the assurances of my OB that it had no side effects, I was still quite apprehensive even when i told my OB i'd take the first injection the day after.

I talked to my mom and her now-husband Ray via YM that night and told them recent developments in my pregnancy. Fortunately, I learned that Ray's daughter also took the same medication for the fast development of her twin babies' lungs, which were delivered 2 months before the actual due date. That somehow put me at ease about the steroids thingie...

So seeing that ultimately, it would benefit my baby, i mustered enough courage to fight my phobia and had my left arm, and a day after, right arm injected with steroids... while clinging to Jon and thinking of my reward... a bump car ride with healthy Sofia one day... =)

Anything (and everything) for the baby

2006-09-01T23:10:00.000-07:00

In my previous post, i mentioned that my baby and i will be closely monitored til her delivery. I had no idea that that would mean a doctor's check-up every two weeks and a pelvic ultrasound EVERY. SINGLE. WEEK. Wow.

The latest ultrasound revealed slightly improved amniotic fluid, and Sofia, still in breech presentation (suhi). Which means that the chances for a caesarean delivery is very likely. And we all know that CS fees are much higher especially in a prestigious hospital where i am to deliver...

Moreover, my doctor suspects that i have pregnancy-induced hypertension (PIH). So apart from my usual medicines (calcium, iron and the like), she gave me more medicines to take every day til my blood pressure returns to normal (which for me, is 90/70 ; 100/70).

...but i know that the financial stress would be nothing compared to the joys that we would be experiencing the moment we have her in our arms, safe and sound. *sigh* I can't wait.

And as i've said, anything for the baby...

~*~*~

...just like me drowning for her ...in 5 to 6 liters of water everyday...(that's roughly 1.5 gallons every day!)

I have been advised to chug down twice the recommended amount of water daily because they think that I may have been dehydrated for months. Come to think of it, they may be right... First, i've suffered from gastro-enteritis and upset stomach, then, i salivated excessively during the first to second trimester (as in!)...plus, i didn't like drinking water then coz that made me feel more queasy. And add to that were problems in the home-front (with the in-laws in particular ) a couple of months ago (- which is a thing of the past already), often made me cry myself to sleep before. So yes.., i guess i WAS dehydrated.

~*~*~

I'm already on my third (and last) trimester! =)

The inevitable has arrived! :( Stretch marks have already started to appear on my belly and although i've been trying to desperately avoid them by applying cocoa butter cream and vco, wala ren... :( Goodbye, 2-pieces! bwahahaha!

Fetal kicks and movements are much much more recognizeable now and I even let Jon feel them from the outside. But sometimes, when he can't feel her move, he acts a little jealous! But i tell him this... "tsaka ka na magselos pag nagla-labor na ko!" That instantly puts him in place. heheh. =)

There's shortness of breath oftentimes, especially when i'm lying on my back. I'm supposed to lie on my left side all the time.

I have slight edema (manas) on my feet, which my doctor said, is normal at this stage but severe edema is much more serious (a symptom of preeclamsia - which she suspects i have), so i have to watch out for it. So I'm trying to elevate my feet every chance i get.

I feel uncomfortable pressure in my bladder and sometimes, in the bowel area. Proof that my baby is steadily growing inside me... Well, that, and of course, my enormous baby bump. :) Grabe! i'm so big now!!! And i still have 2 months to "grow"... :D

I have occasional headaches and migraines.

And yes, i STILL feel nauseated some mornings...

...11 weeks to go...

High-Risk.

2006-08-16T10:34:00.000-07:00

Never have i imagined that this pregnancy would bring me to different heights of emotions. It has been a roller coaster ride (and to think that i hate riding in them!) and continues to be one for me. I know it's supposed to be a very happy time for my hubby and I, just waiting for the time til our little bundle of joy decides to come out and make us the proudest couple in the world.. but there are still times of fear.., of sadness.

But i am getting ahead of myself here... I've been away from blogging for a couple of months and sooo much has happened since then...

~*~*~

The fifth month check-up started without any problems whatsoever. We heard our baby's heartbeat through my OB's doppler without difficulty. And since we were excited to know the baby's gender, we asked if we could have a 3d/4d uts. She said it was still too early but allowed us to have a pelvic (transabdominal) uts. That afternoon, we were scheduled for it at another hospital where she also has a clinic, and where the pelvic uts is cheaper.

But unfortunately, the sonologist wasn't able to see the baby's sex. She said the baby has its legs crossed. Sayang. :( Next month na lang ulit, we thought.

We were advised to get the report the next day... so we thought nothing of it anymore. When i finally had it, i was dumbfounded to see that there was an extreme fetal crowding and the impression was that i had oligohydramnios. Of course i didn't know what it meant the moment i read the report, but i had an inkling that it was not good. The moment i got home, i researched for it and what i read were really scary and i was right, it was downright not good... and i was CRUSHED.

OLIGOHYDRAMNIOS - too little amniotic fluid.

We were so worried that we decided to consult with my OB the next day. I wanted some reassurance... but that's not what i got. Instead, i saw that she got rattled too. I was in the brink of tears already but the only thing she could advise was to drink lots and lots of water/fluids. Just confirming the things i've read.

~*~*~

I was up for a follow-up ultrasound, this time, for congenital scanning. For a month, i've downed more than 2 liters a day, prayed and hoped for the best.

I was sooo scared during the uts that i barely talked. But then again, the doctor/radiologist offered very little explanation too, and i found him arrogant and a bit rude. He didn't even let me see the monitor. I even asked if he could see the gender (just to make conversation) and he said "at this point, the gender is the very least important". Ouch. But he tried, and he still didn't see it. There was still too little water inside me...

He told us to wait outside the room while he prepares the report. I had a very negative feeling then. I didn't want to see it anymore but i had to... And seeing your worst fears written in black and white was enough to break my heart...

Fetal Kidneys not seen. Severe Oligohydramnios.

We went to see my OB (who was then about to leave). I remember dragging myself to her clinic upstairs because i had a heavy feeling and i was about to burst into tears anytime. I knew what that report meant. And my OB just affirmed my fears. I couldn't stop crying anymore while she was talking... I just let Jon talk to her becoz i couldn't handle it anymore. What i was able to comprehend was that i was up for another ultrasound after 2 weeks (initially, it was a month) but she said to brace ourselves for whatever may happen. She explained that since the kidneys were not seen, termination of the pregnancy could be an option since no one would want to continue with it, knowing that the baby has a defect. Another thing she said was, "Sakit noh?" :( SHE HAD NO IDEA HOW MUCH.

What do u do when u've wanted and waited for something, and it was almost within reach, but then, something happens and all your dreams are threatened to be washed away? It was devastating, to say the least.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. Questioning God why he allowed this to happen entered my mind but the question "why not"? was always quick to follow. Still, i have to admit that keeping the faith was hard because how can u hold on when there seems nothing left to hold on to???

Thankfully, our families (even those abroad) and closest friends were there for us. They made us strong and they made us felt comforted and loved during those saddest moments.

~*~*~

My brother-in-law's best friend (who's a doctor) adviced us to ask for a second opinion and to look for an OB-perinatologist.

Days after the heartbreaking news, we visited another doctor. I don't want to compare, but her reaction when she learned of my predicament was more acceptable than my first OB. I felt more at ease. She wanted a repeat ultrasound that afternoon and she even called and asked a colleague (OB-ultrasonologist) to do me.

Prayers are really powerful. A miracle or not, i was just soooo thankful when the first thing that the other doctor saw were the baby's kidneys!!! My amniotic fluid improved as well although it was still low normal. And now we already know that we're having a girl!!! We were just soooo very happy!

We've decided to change my OB already. My doctor now could be an angel in disguise for all i know. =)

I'm aware that this ain't over til i've given birth... In fact, my baby and I would be in close monitoring from now on. But for now, HOPE is very much alive. And with continued prayers, I know that Jon, I and Sofia Roxanne will make it thru... =)

At 17 weeks...

2006-06-15T10:20:00.000-07:00

we were positively hoping that my OB would already allow us to have a 3d/4d ultrasound to determine the sex of the baby (we can't stand the suspense!), and with all the stress around (that is quite unwelcome at this time given my condition), i was ready for a pick-me-upper...

My OB asked me if i already felt the baby kick inside me... I said I still haven't. i don't even know how it feels like. And after checking what week i'm in, that's when she decided that it's not yet time for an ultrasound. She said to wait til next month when the baby's features are more well-defined. Oh well... we just had to appease ourselves with our baby's steady heartbeat which we heard from her Doppler.

*some improvements*

yes, i'm just so glad to say that things are getting better as far as these pesky symptoms are concerned...

My E is back! though there are still days when i'd rather lie on my bed and sleep, i've been feeling more "alive" these days than the first few months.
There are days when i don't salivate anymore, thank God! I hope it continues and even stops eventually. Although i still feel queasy and nauseated most of the time... especially in the morning.

*and some new symptoms*

bleeding gums when i wake up and when i brush my teeth
my back is killing me this early... thank goodness for my husband who never tires of giving me backrubs and light massages. I can't wait til i'm on my 6th month already coz i discovered a pregnancy spa where i can have my prenatal massages na! =)

Anterior Placenta (the 3rd visit)

2006-05-17T20:14:00.000-07:00

I was a bit anxious for this month's check-up since i wanted to hear my OB's interpretation of the ultrasound report we had last month. Although i was already assured that i didn't have an ectopic pregnancy (one of my major concerns before), i still wanted to be sure that everything's going smoothly inside me.

And was I glad to find out that my pregnancy was indeed progressing well... There was one thing though; she mentioned that i had an anterior placenta. She explained that although it's not unusual, most pregnancies are posterior, meaning, implanted on the side nearest the spine; while mine is implanted on the side near my stomach. She did reassure me that it wasn't something to worry about at this early stage of my pregnancy. So, i just let it pass. After all, as she read my report, she kept on saying "very good, very good!"

Since my first trimester is over, i asked her if i'm already allowed to travel (we have a family outing a few days later), and she gave her OK. Provided that i take extra care, of course.

Oh, and we heard our baby's heartbeat now (13th week) with the use of her Doppler instrument! =)

*worrywart*

Although she did tell me not to worry, i guess it's innate in every mother-to-be (and a first timer at that) to endessly be alarmed at every possible problem that could arise. Heck, at this stage, i still fear that i'll have a miscarriage even if i know that after the first trimester, there is little reason to worry. Still, it was possible...

So anyway, Jon and i began researching in the internet about anterior placenta and some of those things we read (CS delivery if there are complications, fetal movement are not too strong for me to feel as opposed to a posterior placenta, etc.) were enough to scare me. Even "worrying" was an understatement.

Help me pray for a healthy and normal pregnancy and delivery, please? Thank u.

Almost over...

2006-05-08T11:13:00.000-07:00

The first trimester, that is. :)

*pesky symptoms*

I've been feeling tired most of the time.
Morning sickness? nuh-uh. I have morning, afternoon and evening sickness. Not only that, i've been excessively salivating every minute or so and it's quite gross. Plastic bags and tissues are my best friends now.
Heartburn has been keeping me up at night. Sakit. :(
My breasts hurt!!
Veins have started to appear near them.
I have occasional headaches and dizziness (esp in the evening).
Uncontrollable weight gain. This early, i'm beginning to look like an elephant. ( But a pretty elephant at that... hihihi.)

Hopefully, some of these pesky symptoms i've been experiencing will soon let up. It has been quite difficult espcially since i've acquired (or so it seems) every pregnancy syptom there is, and more... There are even days when i find myself IN BED ALL DAY... just napping, reading, and napping some more. And i'm just sooo looking forward to feeling more "alive" in the coming weeks...

*cravings and aversions*

My husband had been a little concerned about this part of the pregnancy course, worried that i might ask for something strange and wouldn't be able to satisfy me, but thankfully, nothing like that appealed to my stomach. In fact, I've had more cravings back when i wasn't pregnant! Hahah!

So far, the most extreme i've ever craved for was seafood pasta.... which was gobbled up in less than 3 minutes. I've also asked for leche flan, and Mcfloat, but both ended up in the bin. Fruits are staples in our fridge... ponkans, apples, mangoes, melon and watermelons. Can't have enough of 'em. Give me anything sweet (and cold), i'd surely wolf it down in seconds. Water and juices that i drink now should always be ice-cold. Even my milk.

As for aversions, i hate hate hate the smell of anything cooking. I especially hate smelling anything fried. Yuck! Also, i have quite developed a dislike for beef. Beef dishes were my fave before... but not now. They somehow taste well, different.

*the name game*

This early, we're already thinking of what to name our baby. Right now, it's going to be Sofia Roxanne if it's going to be a girl... I like the name Anika too, but we don't want to burden our child with such a long name so, two names will be enough... But then again, our surname's very short so, we can add another name just to compensate... heheh! We'll have to decide on this soon...

If it's a boy, Jon said that he wants the name (brace yourselves) John Nathan... bwahahaha!!! Hilarious, hun. :p At first, i thought he was joking, but i soon realized he was serious when he said that. Of course i wouldn't let it. Why? U see, my husband's full name is Jonathan... gets? bwahahaha! So, to compromise, i said we'll keep the John, and i added another name... So for the time being, it's Ethan John... side kwento: I dreamt of my late father the other night and in that dream (which felt oh-so-real), i sort of promised him that i'll add his name to remember him by... So, Charles, Charlie or Carlos would have to be somewhere in there...

So, what do u think? :D

Something New in My Life

2006-04-27T19:46:00.000-07:00

the first glimpse

(April 17)...our second trip to my OB (the first was pretty much uneventful, concentrating only on my gastrointestinal upset), and she had just ordered a transV ultrasound after trying to detect my baby's heatbeat with the help of her Doppler instrument, to no avail. I knew it wasn't something to worry about since i've been reading up on the pregnancy bible "what to expect when you're expecting" and since i'm only on my 9th week of pregnancy, i know for a fact that the chances (of hearing the heartbeat) are still very slim. Still, i had hoped, and i had been quite concerned.

And so i was scheduled for an ultrasound later that day, and it was an experience extraordinaire...

From the moment the sonographer said "there's your baby!", met the eager look of my husband's face, and then finally, seeing the first concrete sign that there is indeed a baby growing inside of me, i was totally dumbfounded and overwhelmed by so much emotions. I wanted to cry. And then i heard my baby's rapid heartbeat that i had to giggle like a little kid. i was just too happy. =)

***

Still haven't recovered from my ultrasound experience, i was on senti mode when we got home and as i tried to rest (i feel sooo tired all the time!) with my feet up, i listened to my ipod and this song struck me... this was our song from way way back and it held a different meaning to me now... tears flowed freely when i heard it for quite a number of times... *sigh*

i guess i wanted something new in my life
a new key to fit a new door
to wake and see a different view in my life
the one i've been waiting for

dreams like everyone i've had a few in my life
who knew that this one would come true in my life
i knew the moment when you touched me, you touched me

you're like a sudden breeze that blew in my life
a new face, a new smile, new song
and now i know i wanted you in my life all along

i guess, i must have saved an empty place in my heart
for you to come and fill this space in my heart
that long before i said i love you, i loved you

whatever happens this is true in my life
when all the springs have come and gone
whatever doubts i made or do in my life
whatever else that i may do in my life
you'll always be something new in my life
from now on

i know there always will be you in my life
from now on...